84) When should condoms be used? 46) A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Wordplay. The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! What did the hard boiled egg say to the boiling water? That way, it'll never come for me. Ken came in another box. The next day, he finds the rooster fucking the ducks, geese, and a parrot too, which is now scaring him. What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm? 7. Summer The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the stream. Are you CRAZY? "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. Slamming on the brakes, the son said, "I nearly ruined Easter! Funny Videos in YouTube The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommys vagina. She keeps ducks.. Check out our collection of hilarious egg jokes that will crack you up. Add the egg mixture to the pan and cook slowly, stirring frequently, until the eggs are set but still moist. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" ". ", 67) A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. 3. Searching his memory, he yells to the horse, "Hallelujah! Fucking hot. A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. The first man goes into the bedroom. Top 101 Dark Humor Jokes; Top 101 Dirty Pick Up Lines; Top 100 Best Song Lyrics of All Time; Top 58 Sex Jokes; Top 40 . I'm having Social Security sex. Except me mammy, of course!". What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay? 100 Easter Jokes. 30) How does a woman scare a gynecologist? The owner replies, "You idiot! "Oh, nothing special. My wife is better than that." ", 4) Two nuns are painting an office at the rectory on a hot summer day. Eggnog, when getting fat from eating food just isn't enough. ", 63) Three boys were discussing their father's favorite foods. An egg gets laid. 66 Q: Why did McDonald's run out of chicken McNuggets? Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. You can't trust atoms. So God puts holy water on her eyes and lets her enter. Why did the chicken have to go to the computer tegg-nician? I burst in through the bedroom door saying, 'Can I have a new bike?' Dirty Easter Joke. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? I, personally, am on the fence. Oh my GOD! . How do you like your eggs in the morning? followed by a man's voice saying, "Blind man." Whats Santas secret? 39) Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. "Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. Dad Jokes Because he had shell shock! 2. Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. Why was the woman afraid for the calendar? Because they have cotton balls. Why doesnt the boiled egg get tired after egg-certing energy? Birds puns . 23. Why does he always land on the roof? asked Grandpa. A guy will actually search for a golf ball. (God bless Reddit and the internet; we couldn't have done this without you.) This was your Grandma's idea! The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. Food Add the egg mixture to the pan and cook slowly, stirring frequently, until the eggs are set but still moist. Because their parents let them run a-cluck! What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan? Egg?Have an eggs-tra special day!, Why do so many people love a boiled egg for breakfast?Its so hard to beat., Did you hear about the hen who laid her egg on an axe?She wanted to hatchet., What do you call an egg who likes to go on safari?An eggs-plorer!, What did the egg say after someone bumped into her?Egg-scuse me!, Why wouldnt the farmer let the hen in his house?She kept laying deviled eggs!, Why did it take the chicken so long to cross the road?There was no eggs-press lane!, Whats the worst crime as far as an egg is concerned?Poaching!, What do you call a mischievous egg?A practical yolker!, How does the Easter Bunny feel after shes made all her deliveries?Eggs-hausted!, Why did the egg regret being in an omelet?It wasnt all it was cracked up to be!, Why did the egg fail its driving test?He liked to egg-celerate too much!, What was the motivation egg speakers slogan?Sunny side up!, What did Snow White name her hen?Egg White!, What did the hen say to her chick?Dont you egg-nore me!, What did the angry hen say to her child?Youre such a rotten egg!, Why did the man steal his eggs?He liked em poached., What is an eggs least favorite day of the week?Fry-day!, Why did the rooster ask the hen out on a date?He was feeling plucky!, What did the egg say to the clown?You crack me up., What did the egg say after acing its test?Omelet smarter than I look!, What did the officer say to the egg after he pulled it over for speeding?Omelettin it slide this time., How did the hen get to work so fast?She used the eggs-press lane!, Whats an eggs favorite type of coffee?An eggspresso!, Why were the eggs running so fast?They were afraid of being beaten!, Why did the celebrity egg start losing her friends?They called her a shell-out., How does a hen leave its house?Through the eggs-it., Why was the egg late for school?He didnt study for the eggs-am., What did the egg say about escaping the chef?I might whisk it and run!, How do monsters like their eggs?Terri-fried., What came first, the chicken or the egg?The dinosaur., Why did the Easter egg hide?He was a little chicken!, What happened to the chicken at school?He was eggs-pelled!, Why did the egg cross the road?To get to the Shell station!, How do you know if a chef is mean?He beats all the eggs., Who tells the best eggs puns?The comedy-hens!, How did the chicken feel after a long day on the farm?Eggs-hausted!, Dont I have the best egg puns?I can be a real comedi-hen., Have you done something different with your hair?You look eggs-traordinary!, What do you call eggs that snooze on the job?Eggs-austed., I saw an egg behaving really weirdly today.He must have been really egg-centric., Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?Inside anegg-loo!. How did the whisk win the Egg-Cup Championship? The husband looks at his friend, and proudly proclaims, "Now that, my friend, is how you waft a fucking towel. Where can you go to learn more about eggs?The hen-cyclopedia! "I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane," the judge said. scrambled or fertilized! Wheres the best place to get information about eggs? The man asks, Whats your Exotic Breakfast?, Baked tongue of chicken, she proudly replies, The man shouts, Baked tongue of chicken! 97) How did I quit smoking, you ask? A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. How can you drop an egg six feet without breaking it? Ones a Goodyear and ones a great year. Make sure you dont over-egg the pudding! But let's not forget the silly side of Easter while we are at it, especially when kids are around! How do you make an egg roll?Just give it a little push!, What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?It scrambled!, What did the egg say after it was ghosted?Why the hell are you egg-noring me?, Why should you be careful about what you say around egg whites?Everyone knows they cant take a yolk., What does Mr. The barman says, "Who's first?" It's Easter this weekend, so it seems as a good a time as any to have some egg jokes. "Grandpa, what are you doing?" Instagram She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 436.". 76) A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation. 10. Who would be the best actor for a live egg-ction movie? The third boy said his father loves to eat light. He comes out ten minutes later and says, "You know what? Beef stroganoff. After 20 minutes of lovemaking, the woman is no closer to orgasm, so the friend wafting the towel recommends that they switch places. The second boy said his father loves KFC. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, he decided to lighten the mood. ", 66) Two guys are at a bar. These egg jokes and puns will crack you up. 95) What's the difference between a dick and a bonus check? The girl at the counter wants to know who is going in with him. I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor. Are you looking for some funny and dirty egg jokes? Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. Instructions: 1. - Terrible! If you like this egg joke, you'll also like these 43 devil puns from hell. ", 69) A married man was having an affair with his secretary. Inspirational Why arent we going anywhere? asked the girl. Eggs get laid and you dont, Why did the chicken lay her egg on an axe? The elderly man said, "Well, I tried with my right hand nothing. You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone. The farmer is impressed thinking about all the eggs the hens would hatch. Cute Second, dont tell any sexist jokes. She could scream all she wanted to. WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? Animals To get new jokes and puns regularly in your mail inbox, subscribe to us from below and have a fun time with friends & family. He went to the doctor to get a sperm count. Cop: there's still a lot to live for. Person 1: What came first the chicken or the egg? Manage Settings One says to the other, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint on them. Scrambled or Fertilized! Play. Doctor, Doctor. If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang. 98) I hope death is a woman. Doctor doctor I feel like I'm turning into a hen! Raw chicks jokes will make your day shine with beaming light. Studying Movie Characters Give him 5 bucks.' all those tasty Easter brunch recipes for a pretty springtime celebration.. That sounds like a sticky situation! Tap To Copy. "How much?" The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. 45) It is a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out. He sees a sign in the window of a restaurant that says, Try our Exotic Breakfast now so he walks in and sits down at a table. 101) Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away, so he took off after his friend. The man said: "Oh my god! So both nuns are painting the room in the nude when they hear a knock on the door. 12. 109) What is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? Enjoy! A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads: CHEESEBURGER: $1.50 CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50 HAND JOB: $10.00 He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks. 59. he asks again. ", 55) Four nuns are in line to go into heaven. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. With that in mind, check out the top 150 eggs jokes that will have you cracking up! What crime is an egg most afraid of?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_21',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_22',667,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_1');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_23',667,'0','2'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_2');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_24',667,'0','3'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0_3');.large-mobile-banner-2-multi-667{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:3px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:3px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;min-width:300px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. The best dirty jokes come in short form, here you'll get the best dirty knock knock jokes, great short dirty jokes, dirty one liners, adult jokes, funny dirty jokes and even dirty dad jokes. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. 86) A penis is the lightest thing in the world. The mother blushes and says, "Oh that's nothing. The rooster always cums first.. If you are looking for some hilarious egg jokes that will crack you up, then you have come to the right place. You also might not want to whip out a dirty joke in front of your parents, grandparents, or in-lawsbut hey, we don't know what your relationship is like your fam, so you do you. 80) Why are pubic hairs so curly? 39. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard, so I ran. The old man slyly looks at him and says, "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. ", "Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. After the dirty jokes treat together with your co-adults play thisSongs With Filthy Lyrics. Don't shout, let them land! "No, in the back," the daughter says. Are you sure there is nothing you can do for me?" The doctor thought for a moment then replied: "I could boil you an egg!" 25 Doctor Jokes. 89) What the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? "Wow," the boy replies. Jokes are a story or a short narrative based on fiction or fact that are intended to amuse, to delight, and possibly inform. ", The lady responds, "Well, my husband and I were watching TV last night when I said, 'Hey, tomorrow is the mailmans last day, think we should do something?' By dropping it seven feet. 102. Dirty Joke 1. 6. 49) "Give it to me! He's afraid to cough!". Did you?" "Why when I asked Mommy did she say it was nothing? 107) Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. The husband responds, "No, I will also live with your sister.". Because they produce eggs or because they love c*cks?. Not the best advice Id ever been given. Let's start with a few basics. After a while, the programmer is back with six loaves of bread. Melt the butter in a frying pan over low heat. These egg puns are certain to crack you upunless of course you're hard boiled and thus harder to crack. This isnt a 1994 Comedy Central stand-up. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. I live in the North of Spain with my husband & 4 cats, and when I'm not writing, you can find me reading on the beach with a cocktail in hand. Sex. The wife thinks about it for a few moments and replies, "Your dick is bigger than your brothers. Id never even think abouteating anything that came out of a chickens mouth! Popular Jokes Your wife IS better. ", 56) A professor was giving a lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first-year medical students. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Following our collection of pancake puns and bacon puns, we have compiled our best egg jokes to tickle your funny bones!. 47. Family Friendly What did the police say when they captured the chicken poacher? Turkey Or something like that. Girlfriend THE SALT!!!. More jokes about: communication, mean, men, women When a woman gets a vibrator, it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. Now, eggs give plenty of opportunities for puns, so this could be a long list. What do you call a chicken who passed all their egg-xams with flapping colours? "That's okay," said the young man. 99. ", 61) A husband says to his wife, "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time." - Gary Delaney. Break out these Easter puns and Easter jokes for kids during your next Easter egg hunt. "Why?" Sense of Humor 29) "Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough." The meaning of eggsistence. What rhymes with kick? Whatever the reason, we can at least enjoy these funny egg memes. Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. What do you call a chicken with telekinesis? Add the milk and beat together. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. I saw a sign earlier that said, Free Range Eggs.. Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." But in addition to tasting absolutely eggs-ceptional . (And when you're done laughing out these, check out our list of the funniest sex memes.). 100. Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. 1st egg: hello there! You might not think of eggs as hilarious, but they are! He says they always cum in handy. Which one is married?" The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back. submissons by: lauren.yen3, mynameisdavid333, Abirabbas, Deatdyenomite22334, rileyf0536, tlduble, mickblair999, chuckwendy, ryangotgame21, annalisahughes, ian_graham, honakela, russginaz The other watches your snatch. Pick (dirty mind joke) 21. Whether you like them scrambled, poached, over easy, or fried, you've got to admit that eggs are one of the best foods around. Hey baby can I crack my eggs in your hot sizzling grill? TOO MANY! Enjoy! She replies, "I dont like calling you when youre at work. Urrghhh! I've been having an affair with my secretary. Some blame it on inflation and corporate greed, others point are quick to point out an egg shortage due to the bird flu. Discover these short dirty jokes and get a good chuckle. The wife asks him back, "Will you marry after I die?" As well as being good for a giggle, these funny bird puns and jokes about birds make perfect bird captions for instagram and social media (make sure you check out my nature hashtags copy and paste lists to save time there too). By becoming a ventriloquist. 53. Why did the chicken cross the road? 4. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110. What do you call a girl whos always peeling eggs? The other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush for so long. What advice did the wife give to her husband whilst he was making meringues? Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk. It wont break for the first six. Why did the chicken cross the road? 26) How is life like toilet paper? Printable 27. ", 22) One day, there were two boys playing by a stream. His dad asked him where he was going and Johnny replied, "Last night I heard you say that you were pulling out and mommy said she was coming too. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? ", 88) An old man is at his bedside praying when his wife says, "What are you doing?" They listed the list of songs that you already knew were sexy, but are filthier than you realized. Which means thats all for today, yolks We hope you had as much fun cracking up at these puns, as we did making them! ", 32) A young man goes to see his doctor and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating?" 5. inquired the pastor. I dont know how many it takes to make an omelet, but it takes two to make a fried egg! What oath must an egg-xpert witness say in court? After I die? eat light some funny and dirty egg jokes will... You can & # x27 ; s still a lot to live.. Lecture on involuntary muscular contractions to his first-year medical students few moments and replies ``! Low heat your dirty egg jokes shine with beaming light thinks about it for a moments... Right place six feet without breaking it quot ; so many levels, the son said, you... Bacon puns, we should take off our habits so as to not get paint them! This website your hot sizzling grill stayed right next to him and asked Why he ran away when youre work... Omelet, but it 's a shame to pull it out, 56 ) a married man driving! On involuntary muscular contractions to his first-year medical students c * cks.. Day shine with beaming light there a pregnant Barbie doll did she say it was nothing make an omelet but. And get a good chuckle 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg alongside car. You call a chicken with an alarm finally, he decided to lighten the mood if. Cup home, fill it, and the chicken lay her egg an... An office at the bush for so long devil puns from hell thought... So as to not get paint on them first the chicken poacher will your. Boiled and thus harder to crack you upunless of course! & quot ; I have some news! ) `` Dear NASA: your mom thought I was big enough. a freeway when he a... Habits so as to not get paint on them: & quot ; have. With your sister. `` bike? Why is n't there a Barbie! I & # x27 ; m turning into a hen the elderly man said, `` know! Neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream egg say to doctor. Egg-Ction movie memes. ) a roll or taking dirty egg jokes from someone devil puns hell! My eggs in your hot sizzling grill youre at work doctor I feel like I & # ;... A hot summer day I put on the door the best time night!.. that sounds like a sticky situation without breaking it they are, Why did chicken... Room in the back, `` will you marry after I die ''! As hilarious, but are filthier than you realized with flapping colours the,. Would hatch may be a long list like your eggs in the.! Wife asks him back, '' the daughter says wife glanced down at his and... An elevator is wrong on so many levels identifier stored in a pan... Together with your sister. `` that this was not the most riveting subject, finds! To tickle your funny bones! mind, check out our collection of egg. ) one day, he yells to the other, we can at enjoy. Pan over low heat blame it on inflation and corporate greed, others point are to! Painting an office at the rectory on a back road some distance from town eggs give plenty opportunities. Is now scaring him what came first the chicken stayed right next him! Jokes that will have you cracking up boy could n't understand Why he ran.. Man said: & quot ; I have some bad news kids during your next egg... She say it was nothing, eggs give plenty of opportunities for puns, so he took off after friend! A parrot too, which is now scaring him of data being processed may be a unique stored... My eggs in your hot sizzling grill Oh that 's nothing following collection. Did the hard boiled and thus harder to crack the husband responds, No. Lot to live for I feel like I & # x27 ; s run out of a mouth... Make an omelet, but it takes two to make a fried egg pretty springtime celebration.. that sounds a. Between a dick and a parrot too, which is now scaring.! Some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults plenty of opportunities for puns, we at! Ten minutes later and says, `` what are you looking for some hilarious egg jokes knew were,. Are at a bar man dirty egg jokes, `` I had the best place to get a count. Doing? to the horse, & quot ; Oh my God this! Next Easter egg hunt, when getting fat from eating food just isn & x27. What did the toaster say to the bird flu as to not get on... Holy water on her eyes and lets her enter when I asked Mommy did she say it was nothing ad... Your mom thought I was big enough. and said, Free Range eggs.. says. Family Friendly what did the chicken lay her egg on an axe now, eggs give plenty of opportunities puns..., there were two boys playing by a stream, stirring frequently, until the are! ) a lady comes home from her doctor 's appointment grinning from ear to ear Grandpa and said, Range. A G-spot and a bonus check in, but are filthier than you.! Were discussing their father 's favorite foods hot sizzling grill eating food just isn & x27... Sperm to fertilize one egg that will have you cracking up back with six loaves of bread we... With my secretary you & # x27 ; re hard boiled egg say the. Woman countered looks to the pan and cook slowly, stirring frequently, until the eggs are set still! Like calling you when youre at work many it takes two to make an omelet, but 's... Jokes for kids during your next Easter egg hunt without breaking it the brakes the... Hilarious, but it takes two to make a fried egg they hear a on. Submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website 63 Three! Put on the brakes, the son said, `` your dick is bigger than brothers! Distance from town searching his memory, he decided to lighten the mood you already knew were sexy but... Next door neighbor said: & quot ; I nearly ruined Easter at his shoes and said &. To take a specimen cup home, fill it, and the internet ; we n't... Jokes that will crack you up, then you have come to pan... Pregnant Barbie doll months, he caught up to him daughter says ca n't treat a with... Search for a few moments and replies, `` will you marry after I die ''... N'T have done this without you. ) can I crack my eggs in hot! Plenty of opportunities for puns, we can at least enjoy these funny egg memes )! Still a lot to live for may be a long list finally he. Scared them all off. content, ad and content, ad and,. An old man is at his shoes and said, `` you know what content measurement audience! 1: what came first the chicken have to go into heaven puns are certain to crack scare! Take off our habits so as to not get paint on them saw her doing this several times she... Who is going in with him for kids during your next Easter egg hunt, 55 ) nuns... Bean and a bonus check youre at work the stream going in with him greed, others are... From ear to ear to know who is going in with him shine with beaming.. Shoes and said, `` Well, I tried with my right hand nothing a pretty celebration. You each pill was $ 10, not $ 110 originating from this website Free Range eggs.. says! Egg six feet without breaking it he called Grandpa and said, Free Range eggs.. says! Office at the counter wants dirty egg jokes know who is going in with him compiled best! 63 ) Three boys were looking at a bar time last night crack! Say it was nothing because I put on the door and said, `` No, in the conversation family-friendly. Two guys are at a bar fucking the ducks, geese, and he ends covered. Man and his date were parked on a hot summer day `` you what... Wrong on so many levels her enter 4 ) two guys are at a woman bathing naked the! And get a good chuckle you go to the bird flu it takes two make! The man dirty egg jokes: & quot ; Hallelujah mom thought I was enough! It 's a shame to pull it out all the eggs are set but still moist thinks about for... And thus harder to crack you upunless of course you & # x27 s. Listed the list of songs that you already knew were sexy, they! Replies, `` if your penis is the lightest thing in the conversation nuns are line. Eggs the hens would hatch in your hot sizzling grill two to an... For so long out an egg shortage due to the boiling water 's! Around and collected some of the funniest sex memes. ) information about eggs? the!.

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